Where to Start

The first time we looked at all of our bills, & debt we both were overwhelmed to say the least!!! Probably one of the hardest things I have had to go through in a very long time, maybe my entire life. Both Brian and I were speechless. I cried, and yelled a little bit, tried to find someone or something to blame for this disaster, I mean after all there was no way it was my fault right???? After a few minutes of silence we both started throwing out ideas to eliminate this mess, but the reality of the situation is it took 13 years to create this mess, and it will take possibly 13 years to get out of this mess. I felt sick to my stomach, and all I could do was cry, I felt like such a failure. How can two really intelligent people with Masters degrees be some dumb??? Even more how can two Christians be so immature and irresponsible with the money that the Lord has given us???
Obviously when you have more going out then coming in you have to either get rid of stuff, or find an opportunity to make more money and in our case maybe both. It's a hard thing to do, work full-time, be a full-time partner, and be a parent, but our options are limited. We both decided to work extra jobs. But there are things that have to be changed to get ahead. Dave Ramsey often states that this process is "80% behavioral, and 20% brain power." After putting our resources together we discovered that it would be beneficial to work the entire month of April as much as possible to get a jump start on our bills that were currently behind. When we started this process we had several, and I mean several bills that were behind. The stuff that could be taken from the lender was caught up for the majority however, when I was going through the bills I only found one that had a current account. This is very embarrassing to admit!!! I was slowing becoming anxious when taking our kids to daycare, wondering if they would let them stay the day knowing that we owed them money from the previous months. We even owed Brian's mom and dad money, and one of my family members money! Pride is so hard to hurt when it's your own. Dave Ramsey always says "act your wage" Brian and I weren't acting our wage at all. We weren't intentionally not paying people, we really just didn't have the money. One of the hardest things for me to admit, but I am really trying to be transparent here...... Brian and I hadn't been able to tithe regularly in years. I know not everyone reading this will get what I just wrote, or agree with this philosophy and I plan on addressing this later in future blogs but this is a major concern in my life.
What I decided to do was to list all the small bills first, then come up with a plan to get all the regular monthly bills caught back up. April was a great month for us because we had a little more wiggle room. I was finally finished with school, so I could pick up overtime, Brian was working overtime too. I was able to make small dints in the little bills, but what really helped us was the budget allowed us to look ahead into May, and come up with a plan of attack. We paid a substantial amount of bills up and even paid on extra stuff. We had car tags, boat tags, and our HOA fees all due by the end of May. Luckily we were able to get those paid off, and even a few small medical bills paid. We even reached out to some of our lenders and explained to them what was going on, and they were willing to work with us. By the end of May we had two house payments caught up, afterschool program for the kids paid off, and a few more. Brian sold his beloved truck that we have had since before we were married, and although it didn't bring in a lot of money it helped us get caught up. We ended the month feeling better, still strapped for extra money but we had a plan. We didn't eat out, we didn't buy anything that wasn't a necessity the entire month of May. We even started explaining to the kids that we were getting out of debt and that money was going be tight for a little while.
Difficult areas for us would be that 80% of the finances we don't agree on. Brian would probably tell you that I am not practical when it comes to money issues. If I had it my way I would sell the boat, trade in the suburban for an older model, turn off everything but the water and electric. I would say that when it comes to Brian's take on things it's okay to have debt, just as long as you have enough to pay your bills and still have money left over to do whatever you want all the time. I can't help but wonder how two people with such opposing ideas on money ended up together. Brian gets upset when he doesn't get to go buy the stuff he wants to, where I have learned that that's the way things have to be to reach our goals. Most of you all might find that this is true in your relationship too! Two totally opposing philosophies. In this situation I would advise you to be patient with this process, again change is hard for everyone. Remind yourself that you and your partner are on the same team.
I am working on compromising more, especially when I am budgeting for the month. I have the idea in my head that because I don't eat out a lot, and I am not spending extra money on myself, that nobody else should either. That's not fair, budget fairly. If I make it totally miserable then they won't be able to survive the war. And it's a WAR people, debt is the enemy. Be mindful of request in the budget by all parties, make goals as a team.